he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
