i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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