I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
