my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
