3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
