Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
