Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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