you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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