I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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