through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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