He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
