3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
