i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
