PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
