I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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