Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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