Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
