i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
