a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
