Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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