I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
