I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
