Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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