Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
