areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
