i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
