the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can text with my tongue
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
