just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
