If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
