She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
