ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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