I accidentally burped into my bong.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
