i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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