Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
