Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
