i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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