Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
