How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
