it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
