some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Text me some of your sweat
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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