Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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