Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
