I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
