Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
