never play flip cup with pint glasses
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
