So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I smell stomach acid.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
