you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
