Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
