just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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