You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
