Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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