I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
