"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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