mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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